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Designed and assisted by Mondgöttin 07/2008
Lost in Change

Nothing remains what it used to be. As an ontologist, one may say objects do not, and relations do not. As a man, one may say people do not, and things do not. We tend to think and pretend we were the same as we used to be, but that is not true, and deep inside we know that we have changed. When I was young, I was someone else. I listened to different music than I do nowadays, I spoke a different language than these days, and I held values different from those I hold today. Yet does this suffice to say that I live in a different world? If what I stated at the beginning of this paragraph holds true, I do from both perspectives: my own subjective point of view, and that of the objective world (which, for the sake of argument, I suppose exists). Aspects of the world of which we are a part do seem to us to be the same, but that, I think, is only given by our nature to help us cope with what surrounds us. If, that is, we actually treated everything as it alters from one moment to the next, and thus as something different from what it used to be a moment ago, we would lose all orientation. On the other hand, we are thus prone to feel certain and secure where there is neither certainty nor security.
Of course, I have memories from the past, or at least I believe I do, though it is as certain that they are permeated by information, thoughts, and emotions from later periods of my life. So, if even I myself do not remain the same, how could I ever trust someone else? I cannot, it is as simple as that. Interests may change as everything else changes, so that the one you love and trust the most may betray you at any given moment. The paradox of my life is that I feel I am doomed to love and search the company of those I hate the most: Man. Man beat me, broke me, cut my throat, spit me in the eye, laughed at my pain, betrayed me, and left me for dead. I have always returned from the grave, and so shall I do until the Darkside finally enfolds me permanently. The torture, however, returns, notwithstanding all the changes it may pass through, and there is no escape from its cold and twisted embrace.
28.12.10 14:15

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